Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Randomize
