so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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