Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
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