i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
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