I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
He? As in you personified your dick?
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
