I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
We don't watch enough power rangers
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Randomize
