guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
I seem to have left my pride at pride
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Randomize
