Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
