you lied. pity sex is amazing.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
