i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
