I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
