My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
