apparently the secret to your success is patron
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
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