Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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