Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
