Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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