Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
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