okay pat passed out under dana's car
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
