Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
