I want to make a zoo with you.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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