i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
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