New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
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