My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Randomize
