Acid is not a monday night drug
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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