I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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