Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
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