Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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