I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
We left the knife in your bed.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
