I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
She just used a chaser for red wine.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Randomize
