Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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