apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Randomize
