Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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