i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize