bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
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