i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Randomize