I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
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