You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
God I need to hump something, right now.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize
