well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
