I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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