your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize