Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
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