Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Randomize
