I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
