so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
