I want to have your abortion
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Randomize
