2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
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