His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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