I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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