I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
