we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
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