Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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