yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
