if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
