smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Randomize