I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Randomize
