You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
