you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I believe in your delicious
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
