I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Randomize
