And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Randomize
