I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Randomize
